The Four Hour Rule

Sun, 3 Feb 2008 20:17:05 -0600

Four hours, remember this number because it drives the time you will spend each time you do anything with an elderly person. You are now responsible for taking them to the doctor (four hours), going to the grocery store (four hours), the or even going to lunch (four hours).

The First hour
They are a lot slower than they used to be. It takes them longer to dress. Upon arrival the pleasantries period starts; Do you want some coffee or anything to drink? How have you been since I saw you yesterday? Oh, I have this list of little chores that they have been dreaming about since your last visit; Do we have time to do them now? Fix the phone (that is always broken), replace a battery in a flashlight, or hang a different picture on the wall; they all seem like small things but inevitably will be requested upon your arrival for immediate resolution.

All of these things are because you are one of the few visitors now, one of the only pleasant interruptions into what is a struggle to live. Entertaining is a chore now. By taking the time to do the little things it shows you care.

Then it is the looking for the keys, making sure the house is ready to leave, the coffee pot is off, the air conditioner is adjusted to conserve energy, and everything looks just right. Finally the door is closed and the locking the door ritual begins. Finally it is to the car to go where you need to go.

The Second Hour
Driving to the event is usually a quiet affair. It is a slow drive because your passenger is

When one day it hits you...

Fri, 1 Feb 2008 18:49:54 -0600

It takes you by surprise, that first moment, when you realize that the rock you have been leaning on for all of these years is starting to crumble. For as long as you remember the rock has been solid to the touch, never waving in its support, and certainly always available to return back to whenever the need for stability re-occurs. We venture off into the world and do our own thing but then we get a little tepid and return to the rock to perch and collect our courage again from the stability it endures.

But this time is different, it is hard to grasp at first, but when you touch the stone with your hand it is starting to crumble. First small specks of powder that then turn into small pieces and finally it big chunks then to dust. Where did it go, why does it have to be? I have known you my whole life and now I must become the rock to take care of you.

And so starts the saga of taking care of our parents, our aunts, and others that we care for that have made the “right” choices, ate the “right foods”, lived the “right” life and now they are unable to care for themselves anymore. So now what to do.

I have had the fortunate experience of taking care of my family since about 2004. An only child on the whole side of my mothers family, it has been left to me help steer them through life’s final journey. It is not all negative, there are many decisions to make and many more opportunities to wonder what is really going on. So I have decided t share some of my thoughts, experiences, and decisions to try to help you through the process.

Some of the areas I thought I would cover are as follows:
Getting comfortable with the role
Financial situations
Legal situations
Health
The Doctor
The National pass time: Shopping
Holidays
The personality traits
Managing the inevitable anger that occurs.
Taking care of yourself in the process.
Working and, well, working
Remote management
Care alternatives
The final march
What to do with all this stuff?
The let down.
Getting back to your own life, the thoughts, the reflections, and the joys.

So if any of this sounds interesting stay tuned

About Me

The Four Hour Rule

When one day it hits you...